Apparently, My Evil Twin is a Star
posted on Thursday, July 17, 2008 @ 8:25 pm
On one very rare day when Vickie was, like, not at her computer…
Guy #1: Hello.
Vickie: ?
Guy #1: Do I know you? You look really familiar.
Vickie: …
Later, on a train.
Person taps Vickie on the shoulder.
Guy #2: Excuse me.
Vickie: ?
Guy #2: Are you a star?
Vickie: …
On the other hand, if this is what I’ve been doing wrong — as in, why I’m not getting the ladies other than the fact that most ladies just aren’t into ladies, then I really need to grow some balls.
On the other other hand, I may also be the evil one?!
Would You Like Extra Endorphin with That?
posted on Monday, June 30, 2008 @ 6:01 am
Semester over but still feeling very bleh and single as hell, I knew there’s only one thing that could spice up the day: self + trusties + endorphin + dopamine + oxytocin + prolactin + etc. (that’s my euphemism for masturbation to orgasm, guys).
And so, whirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr (that’s the noise of my vibrator, guys).
And then… instead of sexy thoughts and the Big O, I suddenly remembered this.
I suppose laughing also works…
English, Me Do Not Like
posted on Monday, June 2, 2008 @ 1:49 pm
Dear Americans!
American English:
“Carefree” means “free from care or anxiety.”
The full stop / period does not belong to the phrase. ILLOGICAL!
British English:
“Carefree” means “free from care or anxiety”.
The full stop / period belongs to the sentence. LOGICAL!
Case in point! … Point… in case?
English makes no sense.
How to Ruin a Boy’s Life in Two Seconds
posted on Monday, May 26, 2008 @ 5:45 pm
Roughly a year and three months ago, Vickie secretly worked at a two-Australian-dollar shop. It’s seriously amazing what vast age range of people would use what vast range of techniques and tricks to steal what vast range of things while you’re at the cash register serving another customer. Hmm, I did mention I worked at a $2 shop, right? But this entry has nothing to do with shoplifting, so moving on.
During one of those narcissistic mirror-staring because there was nothing else to entertain me days, one of those mothers walked into the shop pushing one of those strollers with one of those little boys in it. Now I’m completely immune to cuteness and babies or toddlers, so when that little boy with short, curly blonde hair tried to climb out of the stroller while the mother looked away, I thought I’d make myself helpful and said, “He is falling!” (How that has anything to do with being immune to cuteness and babies or toddlers, the world may never know.)
The mother turned to look at the boy, then looked at me, then looked back at the boy.
“Bad girl, bad GIRL!” Screamed the mother while she fixed the boy GIRL. I panicked a little, stood there and tried to think up an excuse or apology (hrmm, she looks like a boy? Me no speak Engrish?); but before I could mutter another sound, they had left the shop and were never seen again.
Now that I think about it, maybe she was really screaming at me, not at GIRL.
GIRL, you’re one year and three months older now, probably no longer pushed around in the stroller that you so desperately wanted to climb out of. But GIRL, if you mummy won’t let you wear trousers, sit with your legs comfortably apart, have short hair, not wear make-up, climb a tree, leave the kitchen, play video games or write a program…
I’m sorry. It was probably me…
EPIC PHAIL
posted on Wednesday, May 14, 2008 @ 7:27 pm
Hmm, how do you put it into words? Pwned by a noob fail? Piano falls on head fail? Arrow to crotch fail? Already paid last month’s rent but the landlord forgot to mark it down and thought you were super late because you have a history of paying rent late fail?
Vickie, stop thinking you can just get out there unprepared and without sleep and still pull a passable presentation. You’ve embarrassed yourself in front of the whole fucking class! You phail! Now GTFO! 
